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| Loneliness in a crowd |
Here is an interesting scenario. Two different individuals having their birthdays on the same day. One receives a well-prepared birthday surprise celebration while the other sits in the corner of his room, wishing himself happy birthday. Based on the idea that the demographical differences of everyone is a constant variable which does not affect the outcome (because none of us have the same of everything), let us consider rather, why the different treatment from peers and friends to these two individuals? Do you feel as if one had a better and more welcoming treatment and the other is sad and lonely?
By now, your brain has started to storm with ideas of contrast, naming a few of the common ones like extrovert and introvert, sociable and anti-social, rich and poor, smart and slow, and the list goes on. You cannot deny the fact that the world is a mtfk realistic bitch who adores and favours the better side; the outspoken, sociable, humorous rich and smart personality. Because every coin has two sides, and every strength has its weakness, so does every weakness has its strength. The introvert, anti-social, boring poor and slow people are actually not like that because they have no strength, but because their strength has been labeled wrongly. Try asking a loud noisy extrovert to sit down quietly for half a day in a coffeehouse, and I bet he will feel like hell. The only reason that an extrovert is labeled as the better side in comparison to an introvert is because the amount of approval that an extrovert gets. You do not get people hanging around with you if are boring and quiet. Still, that loneliness do not equate to the worse side. It is just another dimension of treatment for a different personality. This is not a fact, rather how we perceive it.
Bottom line is, that there is no good or bad side, or a better person. Personalities are not quantifiable not qualifiable to be classified into two bias groups. Human beings are a mix and match of DNA and its variation is so homogenous that it is only justifiable to represent us as a spectrum of Yin and Yang.
It is, however, a pity when the people with the spectrum of introvert, anti-social, boring and slow are being much affected by the world system, and even more discouraging when they actually accepted the misrepresent labels on themselves. Belittling themselves, making themselves tiny and feeling as if they are the minorities and are less important and appealing, probably because God loves them lesser. The idea that this self-pity is destructive. Simply because none of us are a mistake in this world. For everyone of us are fearfully and wonderfully made with love in the image of God, Psalm 139:14. So, no matter how small and insignificant you THINK you are, you ARE NOT. Brian Selznick, in The Invention of Hugo Cabret, said: "I like to imagine the world is one big machine. You know, machines never have any extra parts. They have the exact number and type of parts they need. So I figure if the entire world is a big machine, I have to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reasons, too."
Looking back to our scenario with this whole new revised thinking (hopefully enlightened if not consider the possibility that being 'bad' isn't a bad thing), do you now still see who has got the better treatment for their birthdays? Or is it just simply a treatment they wanted and enjoyed based on their original personalities? Just imagine throwing a huge birthday surprise to an introvert and having huge party. Do you seriously think he would actually enjoy it?
Meanwhile, let us side track and think about that same scenario with an extra detail. Person A who has a birthday surprise is a person who values Acceptability, while Person B values Honesty. Based on these different principles they each hold, what is your comment on this?
Honesty has the intelligence of recognising the truth, and might have the courage to speak out the truth. Honesty might have the best intention and the kindest way to present its opinions, but honestly, honesty is not always welcome in this harsh world. Some people just loves to be fooled, or stay as fools. Honesty breaks their pride and shell, exposing them naked. Or course, the other explanation why honesty makes people mad is because of poor communication skills. With honesty being like a sharp blade piercing through their wrongs and pride, it is crucial to conduct it professionally and carefully, so that the wound can be heal and restoration in progress, at the same time growth is improved.
Meanwhile, Acceptability has the intelligence of recognising the true roots of the faults, being extra sensitive to the pros and cons of presenting the truth. When we reach a certain level in society, it is no longer difficult to spot the truth, rather to comprehend the reasons of why as to the truth was concealed. For the faults is like the fruits that show, while the truth is like the trunk that the faults stem of, but the roots is like the reasons why a person do what he did. Some may say that seeing the truth and not revealing is selfish, but is it beneficial to even reveal it in the first place? A Chinese proverbs once said, 話多不如話少，話少不如話好, meaning speaking less is better than speaking more, but speaking good is better than speaking less. If the revelation of truth brings no good in the person's life and well-being, it is better not being spoken. Furthermore, if the way of revelation of the truth is not being mastered, and while the truth helps but the way destroys, it might even be a backfire to your initial righteous intention. "Absolute honesty isn't the most diplomatic nor the safest way of communication with emotional brings." So said the wise and humorous TARS, in Interstellar.
So, as Person A's social goal is to be more accepting to the flaws and nonsense around him, he is obviously more welcome, and thus likeable. Hence the birthday surprise for Person A. Meanwhile, honesty might be an appealing trait of Person B for some people, but probably due to poor communication skills, less people are concern of pleasing Person B. Hence the so-called forgotten birthday of Person B.
When you think about it, do you still value honesty over everything else? Or would you rather your other half to be of more accepting your flaws? Obviously, these two values only comes in handy when we are dealing with people, more apparent in relationships. You expect your boyfriend to be more accepting of your strange habits and flaws, but do you likewise accept him for who he is? You expect your girlfriend to be more honest to you with her feelings, but are you able to handle her hurtful honest opinions about you? We tend to expect so much from others we fail to realise that we should also give as much as we asked, if not more. Just because you give so much does not also mean you would and should receive that much.
Instead of choosing between honesty and acceptability, why not reach moksya and having the values of honesty and acceptability at the same time? Being honest in the kindest manner when revelation is helpful and being acceptable to the ugly truth when revelation is not an option. Honestly, it is not easy. But accepting honesty and acceptability can really help you to live a more enjoyable and satisfied life, regardless of you being an extrovert and having tons of friends, or an introvert having tons of freedom.
This might be a pointless blog to you, and you might even hate it. But to the few readers out there who find this helpful, this is FOR YOU.
- 20:34:00
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